I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
