Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
