I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
sarcasm needs its own font
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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