What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
