All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
