how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
