3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
