we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
