Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
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