I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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