why didn't you poke me back
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
