She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
He shit in the fireplace
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
