I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
