STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
