you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
