that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
