Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
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