I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
