I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
