you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
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