nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Randomize
