I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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