Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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