....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
