You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I'm really into asian looking animals
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Randomize
