At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
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