If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Randomize
