I looked at my own cervix.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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