You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Randomize
