Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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