yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
My bed smells like the plague
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