walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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