The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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