I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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