you have to choose: penises or morals?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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