it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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