Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
