He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
