Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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