hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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