is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Randomize
