omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
wow bdsm is so cute
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
