Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Randomize
