I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize
