david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
