I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
