i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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