So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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