Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
