Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
