youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
