were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
