it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
