hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
