Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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