I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
